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Miss April Advises: H – A Respected Friend

Hi April

i will try to be quick.

i kissed a guy who is in a relationship with someone else, and i told him i have a boyfriend too but its not serious… but i don’t. this guy happens to work with this other amazing guy.. Andre that i wish was mine and i was expecting i would meet him and sweep him off his feet but now that i kissed his colleague who has a girlfriend i don’t know my chances.

it didn’t want to make him cheat his girlfriend.. i did help him a lot recently and maybe thats why he felt attracted to me but it wasn’t my intention i really care about what his friends think of me and i wonder if there is any way i can still keep my image as a decent respected friend..

any advice in how i should handle this situation.. please

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Dearest Sweet H

I am wildly assuming from your sleight of hand that you are of a younger generation to my good self by at least a century or thereabouts. So, you can imagine my delight that your misdemeanour did not contain the vileness that is sexting, nor the obscene modern obsession with over-sharing. A kiss. A simple kiss. Something so innocent, so easily overcome. Yet, you realise that might not be so. A kiss always has meaning – ever so shallow or ever so full.

Why did you kiss him? Why did you lie about having a boyfriend? These are of course completely rhetorical questions. I confess I don’t happen to be that interested in the answers myself, but you should inspect your motivations and know thyself. Those who know themselves can often solve their own problems, and make much better decisions next time.

I feel your regret, but what has happened cannot be undone. To appease your guilt, and to salvage your friendship with Mr Kisser, tell him the truth or close to it. Make light of it, let him know that you still like him as a friend and how foolish it was that you kissed each other. What a harmless, silly mistake say you with a laugh. Oh yes I agree, hopefully he will say feeling relieved that you won’t tell his girlfriend. Tell him that it was a spur of the moment act which neither of you want to repeat, but you value his friendship and hope you both can get over this mishap. Do not apologise. You have done no more wrong than he, and do not let your regret take on the burden of complete responsibility.

How to explain the nonexistent boyfriend? Hmm, this is tricky. It will look rather strange if you admit you lied about having a boyfriend, but then if he believes you have a boyfriend then he might tell Andre, and then they will think you are 1. unavailable for a serious relationship and 2. unfaithful. This is the gist of your worry? I say, go for complete back down. Come clean, let him know that you don’t really have a boyfriend and you are embarrassed to have said it, and not sure why you did. For that fib, say sorry. You thereby place yourself in a position of discomfort, this is not easy and does display a fine character. If a friend can not appreciate this, and forgive, then perhaps he was no friend to begin with. Don’t dwell on it though. This phase will pass.

The difference in your behaviour now will reflect the difference in your true intent. Do you want to save your image of being a decent and respected friend? Or, do you want to actually be a decent and respected friend? The former provides leeway for deception; the latter’s demands are more rigorous and true. One rule of thumb, simple but effective, treat your friend as you hope a friend would treat you. This ensures that whatever the outcome, you at least know you have done your best.

Best of luck in friendship and love,
Yours,
Miss April
Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips – Shelley

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