Dear Miss April,
Before i head out the gate for Melbourne Cup , I have a small problem regarding foot wear, on which I’d like to consult you.
A flat is obviously sensible on the turf but does nothing for the accentuation of ones calves. I have lovely fetlocks and am keen to show them off . A lovely heel would of course limit ones access to terrain and if the track is wet one may end up a bit further into it turf than expected. Nothing fascinating about that!
All that said , I’m considering a brown shoe. Are brown shoes confusing?
Not long now ’til the train departs to Flemmington [ or Barfington as its sometimes known afterwards] so your timely advice would be appreciated.
Dear Winny Sayer
It was a most typically Melbourne Spring day. The winds were confident, the rain was temporarily resting and the sun had jumped us rather bullishly. My listless stroll was excited by an unusual scene. A young lady and her handsomely attired escort were walking ahead. Her fine lace dress, certainly cut too high and the colour rather too on the electric side of blue to be respectable, was nonetheless an appealing attempt. Things were awry though. Her dress shoes were in her hand. Her feet? Naked. Her elegant hat did not exist except within the realm of my expectations – a plucked feather was her only head attire. Her carefully painted face had been smudged by running tears, her beauty villified by a grimace of despair encouraged by an excess of imbibing. Her hapless chap, loyal but confused. Was this a dream? No Winny, ’tis racing season.
Darling Winny, not only are brown shoes confusing, to even consider donning them on your fetlocks is a travesty and a disgrace. You may gaily wear umber, burnt sienna, cacao, puce and possibly even ecru to be audaciously challenging. But not brown, never brown.
In response to your dilemma between flats and heels, can you please clarify – will you be observing the race, or will you be in it? Winny, are you a horse?
I’m sure your fetlocks are amazing, and heels do accentuate them (not to mention tightening up those haunches you cheeky equid!). But if you are actually IN the race…you know, galloping down the track, than heels are a resounding no-no. Imagine if you’re stiletto got stuck in the mud! Quelle horreur!
Vanity is one thing, pride another. Flats for you on racing day my dear!
Give my best to Rainbow Dash, yours in equine bliss,